Why Pepsi is better than Coke.

Everybody who is anybody has enjoyed a soft drink once in their life. And whether you drank it because you wanted to fit in with the new generation or because you think polar bears know which cola tastes best, you had to choose one for yourself.

It seems to me that most restaurants have chosen Coca-Cola products over Pepsi products. It may have something to do with the discounted price that Coke is willing to give them on supplies. It may also have something to do with polar bears. Who is to say really?

To all you restaurant owners out there I would like to present to you why you should carry Pepsi products instead of Coke.

~ Reason #1 - Mountain Dew

It is so refreshing and delicious. Coke doesn't have it. It doesn't have anything like it. Okay, somebody will probably try to argue "but Coke makes 'Mellow Yellow' which is almost the same thing!" Well I have one thing to say to you surfer shirt wearing, parachute pants owning, nancy boy...PUT DOWN THE NINTENDO JOYSTICK AND GO OUTSIDE ONCE IN AWHILE!! While you're at it take a bath, you smell like the 80's died in your arms tonight.

~ Reason #2 - Same Flavors

In case you haven't noticed they both have similar tasting soft drink flavors. This is because whenever Pepsi comes up with a new flavor (Cola for instance) Coke immediately gets to work copying it. Here is a small sampling.

Coke Pepsi

Coca-Cola--------------Pepsi
Diet Coke--------------Diet Pepsi
Cherry Coke-----------Pepsi Wild Cherry
Mr. Pibb---------------Dr. Pepper
Sprite------------------7 Up
Barq's Root Beer-------Mug Root Beer

~ Reason #3 - Blind Taste Test

Blind testers don't lie. They say that when you loose one of your 6 senses your others ones heighten to compensate. That's why they use the blind for taste testing, that and they can't cheat by looking at the cans.

In a recent taste test 50% of the people chose Pepsi. I'll let you think about that for a minute. How much money would you make if half of the people in the world bought Pepsi from your restaurant?

~ Reason #4 - Patriotism

These days we need to band together and support US companies and US jobs. You don't get much more American that Pepsi. They slap the colors of the American flag on every can. It's like a delicious glass of freedom chilled in the Rockies in every glass. What does Coke have to say about that? What do they have on their cans? That's right, red and white. That sounds more like the Japanese flag to me, and we all know who they supported in WW2. That's just a tall glass of sadness right there.

~ Reason #5 - The Magic Word

Somebody once taught me that if somebody asks nicely you should do it. I don't remember who, but that isn't really what's important here. I would like to take this opportunity to ask you, the restaurant owners, a question. Pretty please, with sugar and whip cream and cherries and chocolate on top, will you please carry Pepsi products in your restaurant please?

I appreciate your efforts in making this country a better place to eat, and I know you will make the right decision.

Sincerely,
James