Still here.

Hey the rapture didn't happen yet, right? Wendi and I are still here so I couldn't have missed it. Anybody know when it is supposed to kick off?

The end is near.

So I guess this is it. The day has finally arrived. 7000 years to the day since Noah's flood, and we all know what that means. Judgement Day!!!! So I guess this will be my final blog entry. So I guess this is my last chance to clear my conscience.

Eric, I forgive you for getting me into trouble when I stole gum from the store. While I didn't appreciate it at the time, I now see the error of my ways and I recognize your main concern was for my eternal soul. Thank you for caring enough to tattle.

Ricky, I forgive you for convincing me to steal gum with you from the store. I now see that this was your attempt to include me. While I didn't enjoy taking the gum back to the store clerk I did learn the priceless lessons of honesty and trust.

Father, It has been over 20 years since you discovered the pink circle on the wall. It was me. I guess I kind of blamed you since it was your punishment that caused it. Kneeling in front of the wall with our nose toughing it to be specific. I am sorry that I didn't come clean 20 years ago, but lets face it, you were angry and I didn't want you to take my bubble gum away.

Random guy driving a truck with expired plates. Yes, I did just do that, but let's face it, it was going to happen at some point anyway. It just so happened that there was a police man in that lane, and that that lane was merging into our lane. Sure, I didn't have to slow down and let him in right behind you. I know that I shouldn't have taken so much joy in it and I regret that now. But you have to admit, it would have been funny if it happened to somebody else.

Entitled jerk driving the Porsche. Yes, you are a jerk. I saw you jump into the freeway on/off ramp to drive around 10 cars and then try to merge back in. Unfortunately I don't like to reward people that feel they are more important than everybody else. This is why I would not let you in even when you drove your fancy car with it's expensive paint job so close to my old beat up one. In spite of my feeling about your decisions I should not have expressed myself using the limited sign language I know and for this I apologize.

I look forward to spending more time with all of you on the other side. I hope that we can get past our differences and spend some hanging out playing harps.

Dogmometer

It's funny in our house with our pet dog, Trixie. We can usually determine what the weather is like outside by what she does when she comes inside. Anytime it's raining, snowing or just plain cold she comes in and runs around the house at greyhound speeds. This must help generate body heat or generate enough wind to dry her off, we aren't sure which. When it is hot outside and she comes in she will suddenly fall over as if fainting from a case of the vapors. It doesn't happen very often, because Utah doesn't get that hot ;-) but every once-in-awhile you will catch her flopping over on her side mid stride. A few days ago we had a freak snowstorm and I lovingly sent her out in the blizzard to do her business. She came the house at a full sprint and ran 3 or 4 laps around the living room. We decided that we should start documenting how long she runs when she comes in from the cold. We have a theory that if we tracked the duration of her sprints that we could determine the temperature, precipitation type, wind speed and possibly even the barometric pressure. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Going Green

It's no secret how I feel about the whole save the planet / go green thing. I think it's load of what was wafting through Lehi the other day. Everybody who is anybody seems to be jumping on the bandwagon, even major corporations are getting pressured into committing to clean up their act.

Mostly I think it's funny because if anybody really wanted to clean up the planet they would probably start at the places of the planet that are doing the most damage. Here in the good 'ole US of A we have the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) that get paid to think about this stuff for us. Why do you think so many companies don't actually do their manufacturing here anymore? That and the constant need to build smaller and smaller iPods necessitates using smaller and smaller fingers to assemble them. We may draw the line at child labor, but that only applies to American children apparently.

I know it's twisted but I love to see companies, and people, who profess to be earth friendly do things that don't seem to backup up their claims. For instance, the other day I received a "bill" in the mail from Home Depot for my Home Depot Credit Card. When I opened the bill I found, to my amazement, that my current balance owed is $0.00, and that a minimum payment of $0.00 is due no later than April 21st of this year. There is also a warning that a late payment could cost me up to $35.00, which seems a bit excessive to me.

That's right, The Home Depot paid $0.43 to send me a letter to let me know that I owe them nothing and I better pay it right away or else. This 3 page statement thoughtfully includes a self-addressed envelope and a detachable portion to return with my payment. Also included on the 3 pages is a number for credit counseling, just in case I have gone overboard on lumber purchase lately, a list of my recent no purchases and a detailed description how APR is calculated.

I guess I better write them a check so I don't accrue any penalties or fees as a result.

Happy Groundhog Day

Ahhh yes, Groundhog day at last. That most special day of the year when all eyes turn to a groundhog to learn how much longer Winter will drag on. It is unclear how this rodent came to possess such powers of prognostication but it is difficult to argue with results.

It is an odd ritual to be sure. A large rodent pokes his chubby head out of his hole and in a moment determines the outcome of future of the world. Depending on the brightness of the sun at the exact moment he looks around his hole determines if Winter will end early or last another 6 months.

Of course everybody wants winter to end early this year. Not that I blame them, with all of the snow that global warming has brought this year. Why even as we speak half of the country is being purified by the cleansing purity of driven snow. But who drives the snow? Very small cowboys of course.

In case you were wondering the groundhog did NOT see his shadow today signifying an early end to winter. I think this is the first time I have ever heard of his not seeing his shadow. In the past he has been able to see his shadow even in complete darkness. It must be magic.

Thanks Phil

Pain in the Neck

So, I am in pretty severe pain right now. I really hurt my neck and the pain goes down into my shoulder. It's been a long time since I have hurt myself like this. The ironic thing is that I haven't done anything that one would normally expect would bring on such an injury. So what was I doing when I injured myself?...Sneezing.

Yeah, that's right, I sneezed and pulled a neck muscle. Go ahead, get it out of your system. I have been sneezing a ton lately because I have a stuffy nose. Whenever I use nasal spray so I can breathe it causes me to sneeze. I think I would almost rather not breathe at this point. Luckily it only hurts whenever I move my neck so as long as I don't move my head my neck and shoulder don't hurt.

I really can't believe that I hurt it so bad. I have been sneezing my whole life and I have never been immobilized due to it. I guess this has to be one of those signs that people talk about that indicate you are getting on in years.

This better not interfere with my rocking out in the car. I need that me time. I guess I should be worrying about how I'm going to sleep tonight. Well I guess I should get to it.

The long ride home

For some reason the ride home is always longer than the ride away from home. I think it has something to do with the thoughts that you are dwelling on during the trip. On the way there you are thinking of the fun you will have, who you will see and what fun things you have planned. On the way home the thoughts are not quite so appealing...going back to work and paying the bills just can't compare.

Of course the drive takes even longer if you are the only one that can drive. On the way down Wendi drove about half of the way and I was able to take a nap. It was nice, and the time flew by as a result. While on vacation we realized that her license had expired 4 months ago. Of course once we knew we couldn't unknow so the rest of the driving was left to me. This drive home was among the longest on record in my mind. I'm glad I took the extra day to recuperate.